ISSUE #50
Welcome back everyone, I hope you all enjoyed last week’s installment to Conspiracy Facts, the #1 conspiracy focused newsletter. It is with great pride that I announce to you all, I have received a strongly worded cease and desist from the government recommending I refrain from using the words fake and moon-landing in the same sentence. Looks like we’re making those liars a little nervous – great success!
For this week’s special 50th issue, I bring to you the big kahuna… The Giza Plateau. For a while you all have been asking me to write about the Egyptian Pyramids, well this week I’m happy to oblige. Break out the tin foil hats, this week we’re talking ancient astronaut theory.
Let’s take a look at The Great Pyramid, here are some stats to consider.
Total Weight – 6M tons
Height – 481 ft.
Base Area – 13 acres
Side Length – 750 ft.
All composed of 2.5M individual blocks, some weighing up to 100 tons.
This is to put in perspective the enormity of the structure, which makes the fact that each of the 3 pyramids is lined up with true north within 1/60th of a degree remarkable.
You expect me to believe this was all possible for a society that as far as we know, did not even have a compass? And how did they raise these stones off the ground? A ramp wrapping up the pyramid? No way. There is no way you can haul 100 ton megaliths up a 5% slope and then place them perfectly without some sort of machinery. Consider exhibit A.
Here we can see some potentially advanced machinery. Looks like we have a helicopter, airplane, spaceship flying saucer and a speedboat. Obviously these sorts of vehicles and technology would make construction of the pyramids a bit more feasible, but even with the advanced tech we have today, I don’t think we would be able to replicate The Great Pyramid.
There is some pushback concerning the legitimacy of these hieroglyphs. The explanation given to explain away these obvious similarities to modern tech is that it was common practice in antiquity to plaster old hieroglyphs and rewrite over them. The theory is that the resulting image we see today is a hybrid of the outer and inner layer hieroglyphs.
What drove the Ancient Egyptians to depict such images? Did they themselves possess the technology or were they writing what they saw during an extraterrestrial visitation? It is entirely possible that the Ancient Egyptians were much more advanced than we give them credit for. What we know is that a highly advanced group built these, that group could be the Egyptians themselves. There is evidence to suggest that the Great Pyramid at Giza was not built to house the body of Pharaoh Khufu, but rather as some sort of energy generator. There was never a mummy or remains of Khufu found at the site. There is a buried water source below the site and a labyrinth of collapsed shafts and tunnels that lead down deep into the ground. Some say the underground labyrinth predates the construction of The Great Pyramid by thousands of years.
“I felt like I wouldn’t want to be in there when it’s running.”
Said an individual after spending time in the pyramid.
Giza’s location on the Earth is especially important. The site is located at the intersection of the longest latitude line and the longest longitude line. In other words, the exact center of all the landmass of Earth. It makes sense why this site might have been a spot of importance for millennia.
Further evidence that suggests the structure was used as some sort of power machine lies in the fact that there are no decorations or hieroglyphs in the pyramid, as would be expected in a tomb. The interior of The Great Pyramid reportedly feels very utilitarian without the colorful imagery and decoration seen at other sites. I suspect the water source was used in some way to create electrical current that the pyramid magnified and concentrated in the golden tip at the top, which was harvested by aliens after they told the pharaoh’s to build them.
There must’ve been aliens, modern tech or some type of magic used, because I’m not buying the builders hauled sleds carrying 80 ton stones without a little help.
Elon said it best,
Till Next Week
Spencer Jeffries (me) is a Philosophy Major at Colgate University focusing on epistemological questions. Truth is inherently subjective and my goal is to bring as many perspectives into the public domain as possible.
