The Premier Product for the Afterlife

Will You or Someone You Know be Entering the Afterlife Soon? 

If so, they are about to embark on an amazing journey leading to an eternity of freedom. Well, that is if you consider slaving away for hours on end everyday doing manual labor like having to cultivate your own food an eternity of freedom. This is sure to put a toll on your ka after a few hundred years, but what if I told you there was a product you can place in your tomb that would free you or a loved one from this endless back-breaking work?

An assortment of Ancient Egyptian ushabtis of different shapes and sizes. Courtesy of m.museivaticani.va.

Meet the Ushabti

Ushabtis are funerary figures of the Middle Kingdom that are perfect for completing menial tasks for you in the afterlife. Measuring only four to twenty inches in height, they may seem small, but they are more than enough to free you from working all of your next life away. Ushabtis can be made out from

almost any material, but our most popular choice is faience, a glazed ceramic, because it is stunning yet affordable, and you can select from a wide range of colors including anything from blue to red, yellow, green, and even a stunning black. After choosing the material and color of your ushabti, you can select from

a wide range of traditional farming tools like a hoe, pick, and sack of seeds so your figure will have everything they may need to offer you a more relaxing afterlife. Also, ushabtis have spells from the Book of the Dead inscribed on them to ensure they know how to complete their tasks efficiently. This spell is what brings ushabtis “to life”.

An ushabti with a hoe and pick in their hands. Courtesy of https://beverlypress.com/2020/09/ancient-egyptian-ushabti-statuette-finds-new-life-at-the-getty/.

A Review from a Happy Customer

Now, let us tell you about one of most loyal customers, Neferibresaneith, an overseer of Lower Egypt during its Late Period. Neferibresaneith bought an ushabti from us, and he loved it so much that he had 334 more made for his tomb! Even though buying several usahbtis was

common for royalty and nobility, one will be sufficient to complete all of your labor for you, but there is no harm in having a few more hands to guarantee you will be living a carefree afterlife. This fine gentleman also chose to have his name engraved onto his figures as well. This is a nice touch

that I would recommend for all of you to consider as well for the low price of 1 shat, but again it is completely optional. Actually, Neferibresaneith is one of the very few people who have gotten their name engraved on ushabtis which makes it very easy to tell that they were commissioned by him.

Hieroglyphics that translate to “Neferibresaneith” which can be found on his ushabtis. Courtesy of https://smarthistory.org/ushabti-ancient-egyptian-afterlife/.

Ushabtis are Made to Serve YOU, Not Someone Else

Quickly before we get to our Deal of the Dynasty, we would like to bring to everyone’s attention that there have been several reports of Neferibresaneith’s ushabtis being stolen from his tomb and placed for sale at a wide range of markets. People who choose to illegally purchase ushabtis from eBay will certainly have hearts that weigh more than a feather. This behavior is

unacceptable because they are disrupting Neferibresaneith’s afterlife, and these ushabtis are not fit for someone else’s use in a tomb because he made sure to label them with his name so they will only be able to complete the work for him. Looting of his tomb and others has begun to grow more common, and this is disrespectful to Neferibresaneith and

Egyptian culture as a whole. With this being said, it highlights another advantage of having your ushabti engraved with your name. We understand that these pieces are small and easily preserved, but this is why we have our special offer. We would like everyone to be able to purchase their own ushabtis without having to resort to tomb robbing.

The Deal of the Dyansty

Speaking of this deal, we are offering you all a once in a lifetime opportunity to receive FREE engravings on your ushabtis if you buy two or more. Now remember, this is ONLY valid during this dynasty, so any change in power will void this offer. With that in mind, we are looking forward to seeing all of you purchase an ushabti and help ease the tension of afterlife labor. Your future self will thank you!

Hi everyone! My name is Bryce Thibodeau, and I am a sophomore majoring in Molecular Biology. I thought reading about and discussing the Egyptian afterlife in class was very interesting, so researching ushabtis for my web post was the perfect opportunity to study Egyptian funerary practices further.

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